![]() ![]() But not everyone dares to go into this abyss of pain, this longing, that can take you there.” We want something more fulfilling, more intimate. ![]() But how many of us have actually ever been totally fulfilled by another person? Maybe for a while, but not forever. They think another human will fulfill them. As Vaughan Lee says, “Those who search for intimacy with others are reacting to this longing. In the best relationships, you can still, every so often, go to the moon and back.īut most likely, your relationship will be an asymptote of the thing you long for. You can share inside jokes, favorite vacation spots, mutual admiration, cozy companionship, a bed. In these unions, you can raise children, if you want. You might discover that you’re a neat freak and she’s a slob, or that you’re a bully and he’s a doormat, or that you run late and she’s punctual to a fault.Įven in the healthiest relationships, the longing often returns. You might find that he instinctively avoids intimacy, while you anxiously chase it. In everyday love, real life will intervene, in the daily negotiations of managing a partnership and possibly a household, and in the limitations of human psychology: sometimes, in the challenges of incompatible attachment styles and interlocking neuroses. The Troubadours adapted these metaphors to serenade maidens under moonlit windows.) The Sufis used imagery of a woman’s cheek, eyebrows and hair as metaphors for divine love. (According to the Sufi teacher Llewellyn Vaughan Lee, the Western tradition of love songs comes from the Troubadours, who were inspired by Sufi songs of longing for the divine. But these songs should be heard not only as a depiction of love, but also of our longing for the transcendent. This is why so many pop songs concern the first consummation of romance. You know, deep down, don’t you, that this was the courtship phase, the idealization phase, the phase in which you and your partner were united in reaching, for a marvelous moment in time, that other place.ĭuring this phase, there’s little distinction between the spiritual and the erotic. ![]() The work is done, the dream is realized: the perfect and beautiful world embodied in the object of your affections.īut. And maybe there is, maybe there isn’t I don’t, of course, know the details of your relationships.īut I do know that the most confusing aspect of romantic love is that most enduring relationships start with the conviction that your longing has now been satisfied. When this happens, you’re going to think there’s something wrong. Either way, at one time or another, you’ve probably felt deep longings - maybe for “the one that got away,” maybe for the one yet to appear, maybe in a current relationship that falls short of your dreams. Think for a moment of your own love life - whether or not you’re currently in a relationship. What do these stories mean? Why do we love them so much, given their sad endings? And what are they trying to teach you about your own heart? Or Bridges of Madison County, where a married woman named Francesca falls in love with a soulful photographer, but renounces him for the sake of her family. I want you to think about all those love stories you’ve sighed over – the ones where the couple shares an incandescent moment of union, before they must part. “The sweetest thing in all my life has been the longing - to reach the Mountain, to find the place where all the beauty came from - my country, the place where I ought to have been born.”ĭear ham-del ( read here to know why I call you this), My colleagues and I put a ton of daily labor (of love) into this work, and truly appreciate your support! To participate, and to receive the replay we’ll send out later, you’ll need a paid or scholarship subscription to the Quiet Life. You’ll enjoy our chat either way, but you might like to read it before then. Angie’s latest award-winning mystery is HAPPINESS FALLS. We’ll discuss her writing how Angie went from lawyer to author and our long-ago past as law school classmates! You’ll be able to ask questions, too. Our next Sunday Candlelight Chat is on January 14, at 1 pm ET/10 am PT/6 pm UK: with special guest, the bestselling novelist Angie Kim, who writes on the relativity of happiness and how our society equates oral fluency with intelligence. ![]()
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